why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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