saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
