I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
