I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
