How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
