there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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