I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
