oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
