i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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