Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize