she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
