Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
