We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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