fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
