I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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