i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
