Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
