Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
