8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
