Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
