By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize