uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Actions speak louder than pants.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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