apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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