There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
