Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
