You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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