I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
