Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
