Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
