There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
