guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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