Don't make out with my wife yet
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
