you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
