I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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