I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
