Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
