ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
