I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
