So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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