Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
