I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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