im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize