Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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