Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
