Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
