You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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