Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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