I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize