Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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