Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Two words: blizzard sex
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize