Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
