I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
