Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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