I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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