I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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