Just fell off a train. Bad.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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