If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
