So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I love you.
Bad choice
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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