Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
