Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
