I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
