I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
