Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
