Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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