If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
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